Ramblings about roots and identity

[sivaroobini]

  Earlier this evening, I finished Terry Pratchett’s I Shall Wear Midnight. In his Author’s Note at the end, he had something interesting – well, everything was interesting, but this really set me thinking - to say.

   It is important that you know where you come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you don’t know where you are, and if you don’t know where you are, then you don’t know where you’re going. And if you don’t know where you’re going, then you’re probably going wrong.

  

One of the things I admire about Tiffany Aching, the protagonist of The Wee Free Men, A Hat Full of Sky, Wintersmith and I Shall Wear Midnight, is her strong connection to her home. She knows the Chalk; she is of the Chalk, the ‘hag o’ the hills’ as the Feegles call her. Even her name means Land Under Wave if I recall correctly. The heart of the chalk is flint, and Tiffany’s got flint in her; she’s made of strong stuff. She loves and is fiercely protective of the Chalk, and this helps her do what needs to be done. Knowing where she comes from helps her know who she is, where she is, and where she’s going.

  When I meet new people online, I tend to say that I’m an Indian living in Singapore. I can’t just say I’m Indian because it implies I’m from India, and though I am Indian by race I have only ever been there twice in my life. I can’t just say I’m Singaporean because previous point notwithstanding, I am fiercely proud of being an Indian, and of my cultural heritage. I want it to be known that I am Indian by blood, and since most Singaporeans are Chinese, I don’t want to be mistaken for a Singaporean Chinese online. Plus, I’ve never really felt a strong patriotic connection to Singapore. But sometimes, I feel like I don’t really have a proper identity that way; I cannot call any one country my own.

   I was born and bred in Singapore, yet I always say ‘I live in Singapore’ instead of ‘I’m Singaporean’, like it’s a transient stage. I hope to go overseas for university, and to eventually live overseas. I accept that Singapore is my home, but I don’t feel a strong connection to it. No ‘this is my land’ or any such nationalistic sentiment of the sort we study in Southeast Asian History. The problem with Singapore is that aside from the Orang Asli, the indigenous Malay peoples living here before Raffles ‘found’ us and even before the Indian traders arrived in ancient times, most of us are migrants - Chinese merchants and labourers and Indian merchants, labourers and criminals who came in during colonial rule. Most of us are descended from them.

   I have never really felt a strong connection to Singapore as my homeland; oh, I can feel fond of uniquely Singaporean traits or customs, but I suspect that when/if I do get to study overseas, I’d miss my family and friends and most probably the food – I love my durians and rambutans and pineapple tarts and mooncakes and mee goring and roti prata and kaya toast and all – but that would be all. No yearning for Singapore of the sort portrayed in twee National Day songs, although you’ll find few of us who can identify with National Day songs anyway. No fierce sense of love or pride in my home. Tiffany stands her ground when faced with the Queen of the Fairies, or the hiver, or the Wintersmith, or the Cunning Man, and she draws strength from the Chalk.

   Inside, I am flint.

   She felt the heat of the whole field, steadied herself and gripped the stone. How dare you come here, you worm! How dare you trespass on what is mine! – I Shall Wear Midnight

 I’m too lazy to go get the other books, which probably have better examples, but you see what I mean. She knows where she is from, and it gives her direction. I’ve always been sure about what I want to do, but I’m never sure where I’m from, if I’m making any sense. I’m reminded of the stuff I write in Literature, about the impact that knowledge of one’s roots, one’s origins, has upon their identity or the forging of a true self. xD I used to file it under ‘postmodern crap I can write about in exams for the sake of a grade’ but now I am beginning to understand it, I think.

    … and I didn’t expect this to be so long. D: And yes, I realise the irony of the icon I chose.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_silverfox/]

Does knowing where you're coming from really require a deep connection to a place? Isn't your culture, religion and family where you're coming from, too? When I read that quote I see a more general 'know what formed you, what is important to you, what you want to keep and what you want to leave behind'.

Personally I'm very attached not so much to my country as my town/region and this house, but I think most people these days aren't. They move around so often in their lives.

[sirius-luva.livejournal.com]

You bring up a very good point. I am very attached to my family and friends, and to the view from the east window. xD

The thing is that my culture is... I love being an Indian, as I said, but I don't think I could live in India. So at times I feel neither Indian nor Singaporean. And then I immerse myself in something like Egyptian culture and someties I wonder if I'm losing touch with my own culture.

When I think of what formed me, I think of people and experiences, so I suppose that would be where I come from. Thank you. <3