Ramblings about roots and identity
Sep. 26th, 2010 12:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sivaroobiniEarlier this evening, I finished Terry Pratchett’s I Shall Wear Midnight. In his Author’s Note at the end, he had something interesting – well, everything was interesting, but this really set me thinking - to say.
It is important that you know where you come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you don’t know where you are, and if you don’t know where you are, then you don’t know where you’re going. And if you don’t know where you’re going, then you’re probably going wrong.
One of the things I admire about Tiffany Aching, the protagonist of The Wee Free Men, A Hat Full of Sky, Wintersmith and I Shall Wear Midnight, is her strong connection to her home. She knows the Chalk; she is of the Chalk, the ‘hag o’ the hills’ as the Feegles call her. Even her name means Land Under Wave if I recall correctly. The heart of the chalk is flint, and Tiffany’s got flint in her; she’s made of strong stuff. She loves and is fiercely protective of the Chalk, and this helps her do what needs to be done. Knowing where she comes from helps her know who she is, where she is, and where she’s going.
When I meet new people online, I tend to say that I’m an Indian living in Singapore. I can’t just say I’m Indian because it implies I’m from India, and though I am Indian by race I have only ever been there twice in my life. I can’t just say I’m Singaporean because previous point notwithstanding, I am fiercely proud of being an Indian, and of my cultural heritage. I want it to be known that I am Indian by blood, and since most Singaporeans are Chinese, I don’t want to be mistaken for a Singaporean Chinese online. Plus, I’ve never really felt a strong patriotic connection to Singapore. But sometimes, I feel like I don’t really have a proper identity that way; I cannot call any one country my own.I was born and bred in Singapore, yet I always say ‘I live in Singapore’ instead of ‘I’m Singaporean’, like it’s a transient stage. I hope to go overseas for university, and to eventually live overseas. I accept that Singapore is my home, but I don’t feel a strong connection to it. No ‘this is my land’ or any such nationalistic sentiment of the sort we study in Southeast Asian History. The problem with Singapore is that aside from the Orang Asli, the indigenous Malay peoples living here before Raffles ‘found’ us and even before the Indian traders arrived in ancient times, most of us are migrants - Chinese merchants and labourers and Indian merchants, labourers and criminals who came in during colonial rule. Most of us are descended from them.
I have never really felt a strong connection to Singapore as my homeland; oh, I can feel fond of uniquely Singaporean traits or customs, but I suspect that when/if I do get to study overseas, I’d miss my family and friends and most probably the food – I love my durians and rambutans and pineapple tarts and mooncakes and mee goring and roti prata and kaya toast and all – but that would be all. No yearning for Singapore of the sort portrayed in twee National Day songs, although you’ll find few of us who can identify with National Day songs anyway. No fierce sense of love or pride in my home. Tiffany stands her ground when faced with the Queen of the Fairies, or the hiver, or the Wintersmith, or the Cunning Man, and she draws strength from the Chalk.
Inside, I am flint.
She felt the heat of the whole field, steadied herself and gripped the stone. How dare you come here, you worm! How dare you trespass on what is mine! – I Shall Wear Midnight
I’m too lazy to go get the other books, which probably have better examples, but you see what I mean. She knows where she is from, and it gives her direction. I’ve always been sure about what I want to do, but I’m never sure where I’m from, if I’m making any sense. I’m reminded of the stuff I write in Literature, about the impact that knowledge of one’s roots, one’s origins, has upon their identity or the forging of a true self. xD I used to file it under ‘postmodern crap I can write about in exams for the sake of a grade’ but now I am beginning to understand it, I think.
… and I didn’t expect this to be so long. D: And yes, I realise the irony of the icon I chose.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 25/9/10 05:23 pm (UTC)I'll spare you my ramble about it, but I read this and had to comment, because I soooooo relate.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 25/9/10 05:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 25/9/10 07:06 pm (UTC)Personally I'm very attached not so much to my country as my town/region and this house, but I think most people these days aren't. They move around so often in their lives.
no subject
Date: 26/9/10 03:37 am (UTC)The thing is that my culture is... I love being an Indian, as I said, but I don't think I could live in India. So at times I feel neither Indian nor Singaporean. And then I immerse myself in something like Egyptian culture and someties I wonder if I'm losing touch with my own culture.
When I think of what formed me, I think of people and experiences, so I suppose that would be where I come from. Thank you. <3
no subject
Date: 25/9/10 11:17 pm (UTC)If one goes by heritage in the sense of bloodline, then it makes some sense. I am 1/4 Cherokee, so I feel something when I touch the ground here, but nothing special for the country as a whole. I'm 3/4 English/Scottish/Irish descent, and being in London was like breathing air for the first time. I brought back a bottle of tap water, which is still in my fridge. XD
No, I have no home. Other than the incredibly corny ideal of "home is the people who love you", which means my husband and some friends.
no subject
Date: 26/9/10 03:46 am (UTC)Awww. I absolutely loved New Zealand and brought back a lot of rocks, but even then, I wouldn't call it a real connection like you with London.
Corny it may be, but it's home. :D I think that for now, that is my home too; my family and friends. (though even then, unable to connect with most people in school due to different interests, I'm closer to people online. )
no subject
Date: 25/9/10 11:33 pm (UTC)Probably it can also be a matter of knowing where you belong in terms of family, and values, who you are as a person. Not having pondered this thoroughly, I think it doesn't necessarily take all the traditional 'criteria' to make a home. :3
no subject
Date: 26/9/10 03:50 am (UTC)And now I shall see if I can remember the ending of Neil Gaiman's poem, Instructions:
... go home. Or make a home.
Or rest.
I suppose I make my own home, with my family and friends. Thanks. <3
no subject
Date: 26/9/10 03:31 am (UTC)you’ll find few of us who can identify with National Day songs anyway
I beg to differ actually. There are so many people, who DO identify with the national day songs, I being one of them. The old songs(and most people agree) are the best. But that's not the issue. The songs don't give you specific reaons why Singapore is "home" and I don't think they intend to. I know I'm being extremely incoherent here, but personally, I feel a burst of pride everytime I hear the pledge during national day(4 million people from different races and religion, coming together to take a pledge for something they can call home. It just seems so wonderful to me, that I can share this feeling with other Singaporeans).
Anyway, my point is, you may be Indian, but you're also Singaporean. Living in Singapore, growing up in Singapore has shaped the way you act, your habits, your thoughts(this does not mean that your thoughts are pro-singapore. I'm talking perspective-wise). What I'm trying to say is that had you grown up in another country, you'd be quite a different person. You seem very detached to Singapore, and I know this may seem like I'm trying to "convert" you or something but... have you thought that perhaps you're not really... aware of how livingin this environment has shaped your life? Just last year(your age, mind you) I was thinkingthe same thing you were. What does it mean to be a Singaporean? I don't eat mee goreng, and i despise durians. But I don't feel that it makes me any less Singaporean. I use "lahs" and "lors" and stuff in my sentences, but I could do without them. Even if I didn't use them, I'd still consider myself a Singaporean. I still can't tell you what makes me one, but I understand that I'm still young, and I've got my whole life ahead of me to decide for myself where it is I belong. Anyway, last year, I made up my mind that I wanted to study in the UK and be a part of the culture there and I was hoping to work there too. After spending 3 months in India this year however, I realised how much Singapore ws my home. Even if my family was here with me, I realised a lot of things, one of which, was that Singapore, not India(a wholly different culture, let me tell you, from being of Indian race), not the UK, was my home and really, where I felt I belong. Who knows, that might change later on.
But what i really wanted to say, is... just don't be too hasty in making this decision now. You've still got so much more to experience. I'd actually like to talk to you about this. I think it's interesting, but I feel it's not something I can type(obviously, right, since I'm so incoherent and have so many typos) about, but more of something that we should talk about face to face. Meet up soon after your A levels k? <3
no subject
Date: 26/9/10 04:07 am (UTC)That is true; I'd be a very different person if I'd grown up somewhere else, I fear. At the same time, when I think of what's shaped me, I think of people and experiences and, in all honesty, books. (Reading about knights and honour and glory, or about mythology, when you're a kid does things to you xD)
Haha, I realise that India as a culture is different from being Indian by blood, which is why I feel neither truly Indian nor Singaporean. <3
Maybe a while away from 'home' may help me too. And regarding that, I hould tell you that immediately after my A Levels - like, the day after - I'm flying off. My uncle is bringing me to Dubai on the 27th to stay with my aunt and uncle, and then they're all bringing me to Egypt for a week, and then after Egypt we'll be returning to Dubai and I'll be staying there with them til Christmas. So unless you want to go watch Deathly Hallows with me immediately after my last paper (26th, morning paper), we'll have to wait. :(
As I mentioned in my reply to quantum_witch up there, I've always had this yearning to visit the UK. But, well, we'll see how things stand once I return from the Middle East. <3 Love you! <3
no subject
Date: 28/9/10 05:38 pm (UTC)I had this long, long discussion with ZT the other day, and we were commenting on things like - in NUS, there's a film module called "Singapore Film." Not Singaporean Film, Singapore Film. And for some reason people feel the need to draw a distinction.
I don't know. I know I personally feel a connection not with the country but with the people I give a damn about. I'm now wondering if it's that way partly because of my interests (lit and theatre, and neither is particularly established, since they're relatively young here) or because I've been told what I should think and I disagree with it.
Maybe both.
I mean, I'm a Singaporean Chinese who's got English as her first language (not Chinese, my Chinese is terrible although I can still read it fluently). I spent four years in a Chinese school having Chinese culture shoved down my throat and being told I wasn't Chinese enough for not appreciating it; I personally feel that the Creative Arts Programme spends too much time wanting the Great Singaporean Novel instead of trying to nurture writing, although they do do that very well, depending on who's speaking and lecturing. (And I do love the Creative Arts Programme.)
If I went overseas for some time I'd miss my friends at home horribly, but I wouldn't miss the country, if you know what I mean. I think that's what counts in the end. [shrug] But you're talking to someone who thinks she spent too much time being told to be something she wasn't, so bear that in mind. <3
It is important you know where you come from, I think, but where you come from doesn't have to be a country. It could be an idea, or a group, or anything, so long as you work it out. I guess.
no subject
Date: 29/9/10 05:03 am (UTC)Yeah, my interests are not very well-established here either. XD Archaeology, languages/etymology and lit.
Where do I come from? I think I'll stick to ideas and people. XD
no subject
Date: 29/9/10 01:01 pm (UTC)I will also confess to being horribly jaded about National Day songs (although the old ones are sort of nostalgic and I wish they'd play them more instead of those hideous concoctions they come up with these days - honestly, who composed them, Michael?!), so. XD
no subject
Date: 30/9/10 12:18 pm (UTC)Oh come on, if Michael can write that beautiful Psalm - which I need to ask Jen about xD - he could definitely produce better things that the things we are subjected to.
no subject
Date: 30/9/10 12:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 30/9/10 12:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 30/9/10 05:18 pm (UTC)Then with the whole culture thing...I know I have some Irish in me, and German, and English and some other stuff, but I don't feel too strong of a connection to most of those things. I don't think I'm too attached to any specific culture related to my region, and I prefer learning about other cultures and ways of living, especially from different time periods.
Huh...sorry for the long post. >.> I've never really thought about most of this until now, lol.
no subject
Date: 30/9/10 05:18 pm (UTC)