Surrender to the Music of the Night

  Long overdue, yes, but I finally obtained a DVD of The Phantom of the Opera, the one with Gerard Butler and Emmy Rossum. I have loved the book for years but now I have finally heard the music of Andrew Lloyd Webber as well. My sister and I watched it last night, and I was blown away. The music was so beautiful, and Erik, the Phantom, was just... sigh. Raoul and Christine were sweet, but I can't help but wish Christine had found it in her heart to love Erik instead. Of course, this was easier in the movie, because Gerard Butler made the Phantom at least half handsome, with only half his face disfigured, while in the book he's fully disfigured. But still, I pity him. Or perhaps this was only because we watched it straight after watching Disney's Beauty and the Beast.

   Also, something else that was long overdue - my best friend Lakshmi and I finally went to see Twilight at the theatre! Oh. My. God. *swoons* Unfortunately, Lakshmi and I ran in a bit late - when we walked in, Bella was talking to Jessica and Mike in gym. But at least we were in time to be seated and comfortable and munching on popcorn and sipping Sprite (Lakshmi drank first, so I asked if she'd grabbed another straw, and she gave me this look and was like," Siva, do you have obsessive compulsive disorder?" and I was all," No! I thought you would mind," and she was like, "No, I don't," and I took a drink and we were laughing and then I was like, "Shush! They're in the cafeteria! The Cullens'll appear!") to see the apppearance of the Cullens. Particularly a certain Edward Cullen. Not that we minded an eyeful of Jasper either. Carlisle and Jasper are so hot! Oh, Doctor Cullen, I'm so ill. Treat me. Bite me!

  BTW, Jackson Rathbone, aka Jasper Hale, was born in Singapore!!! JACKSON, COME BACK TO THE LAND OF YOUR BIRTH! We won't mob you, I promise. *crosses fingers behind back* ;P

  Even Lakshmi, who hasn't read the book, was swooning as they zoomed in on his face during Bella's Bio flashbacks and when he stopped the van. And sweet Merlin, that kiss was hot. And I have no idea what music they were playing during Bella's revelation and when Cedric, uhm, Edward follows her into the trees, but I loved it. And I know I'm out of order here but I'm just so bedazzled. The sparkling! Sigh. At first he just looked wet, maybe sweaty, but then as they showed his chest to you could see the sparkles, like diamonds.

  And the piano music. Wonderful. I still have it stuck in my head.

Oh God. I was just watching Ghost Whisperer while typing this. Jim Gordon, Melissa's husband, always seemed like the perfect husband to me, my sister and our mother. Not only was he gorgeous and sweet, but he was always so supportive of Melinda. He understood when she had to go and help some ghost instead of spending time with him. And he just died.

  Silly, I know, to be shedding tears for a fictional character. I've cried for Boromir, for Sirius, for Dumbledore, for Akkarin, for Hurin and his family, for Hedwig, Dobby, Fred, Snape, Remus, Tonks and countless others, and now for Jim Gordon. We grow attached to these people, and we know they don't exist, but when they die we're still so shaken. My eyes are wet right now, partly for him and partly for the pain Melinda's feeling.

  I still have the piano music from Twilight stuck in my head. But although the speed and notes haven't changed, it seems sadder, like a funeral requiem. Rest in peace, Jim Gordon (and for Heaven's sake, cross over already, I just saw the advert for the next episode, and you hanging around is only causing Melinda more pain).

  I was planning to gush about Twilight for a few more paragraphs, and about the rest of our outing, like the delicious hot chocolate, and other random stuff, but somehow I'm no longer in the mood.

~ Sivaroobini

My results come out next Monday. And I'm scared.

  Just a side note, a warning in case I don't get to post anything for a while.

  I have mentioned my O Levels before. Those exams were important, they were nerve-wracking and they were scary, like the O.W.L.s at Hogwarts but ten times as important and scary. The results will decide my whole future. And I will learn how I did, what my sacrifices and fears and headaches and hand-aches and studying were worth, next Monday. On the 12th of January.

  I have to do well. I need to get to a good Junior College, one that isn't Yishun JC or Serangoon JC. I can't, or rather, won't, go to a Polytechnic and no way in hell will I go to an Institute of Technical Education. I need A Levels, completed at a good JC, to pursue my dream of archaeology. But I've never exactly been the top student. I'm no Hermione. And simply thinking of next Monday is causing my stomach to twist in knots and I feel like throwing up. If I keep thinking about it, a headache starts to form.

   My father is okay with my going to a Poly to do something like Journalism. But nobody else in my family will be okay with me not going to a JC. And for reasons of pride and 'face', along with the fact that I need A Levels, I myself have to get to a good JC. Heck, I don't even have to go to one of the top ones, not that I'd qualify anyway. Raffles Junior College, Victoria JC and Anderson JC (National JC goes without saying) are so hard to get into and I'm not asking. I just want to get to a moderately good one, that's not one of the bottom ones.

  Plus, how I do next Monday will dictate how I get to spend the little remaining freedom before school starts in February. As it is, I don't go out that much, but I get to lounge around and read and write and watch TV in peace. Even if my family is okay with my results, my own peace of mind will be gone.

  I may refer to next Monday jokingly as the Apocalypse to my friends, but I do see it is a sort of Armageddon. It is the end of the world, or rather, the end of my life as I know it, of my life so far.

  I'm scared. I thought I knew genuine fear before but all that was nothing compared to this. I want to know how I did very badly, and at the same time I'm scared to find out.