Oct 15th

Oct. 15th, 2012 02:15 pm
sivaroobini: (Death)

It's been five years since the day Rusty died, and I still miss him so much. No other dog can compare. I miss coming home to his boundless enthusiasm at seeing me and demands for belly rubs. I miss waking up early in the holidays to bring him for pre-dawn walks and watching him chase birds and cats. I miss the utterly pathetic expression he'd fix me with when begging for food, even if he'd just eaten. I miss having to pay the 'toll' of a dog biscuit every time I left or came home. I miss being able to snuggle with him and scratch behind his ears and brush his lovely golden fur.

Wherever he is now, I hope there are no more thunderstorms.

sivaroobini: (that damn enormous fiery eye again)

I kind of want to quote the conversation about Easter that Wednesday and Eostre have in American Gods, but sadly I did not bring my copy with me. Also, I had an absolutely delicious hollow Cadbury's Easter Egg today. :9

  For the Myths of the Greeks and Romans unit I'm taking for Classics and Ancient History, we've got to do this digital project thingy, so two friends and I are filming the Greek myth of Hades and Persephone. I'm playing Hades, and also filling in for small roles like Hermes since my face can't really be seen as Hades; since we can't pull off the blue-flame-hairdo like in Disney's Hercules, I just wear black clothes and my black cloak and pull the hood down so it mostly covers my face. Anyway, last Thursday we were about to start filming a few more scenes and were discussing how they should go when 'Persephone' commented that I looked like Darth Vader. We promptly filmed this for the blooper reel. :D

sivaroobini: (Hobbit-approved!)

EEEEEEEEEEEE! I am so excited about this already! *bounces* Man, I cannot wait to watch this. *__*

The song is so beautifully haunting, even better than how I imagined it as I read, and the music is epic and the dwarves look awesome (I want to cuddle Bombur, he's always amused me... though is it just me, or are Fili, Kili and Thorin rather good-looking? Never thought I'd say that about a dwarf who wasn't Discworld's Carrot Ironfoundersson...) and the sets and the landscape and Gandalf and the Rings foreshadowing and and and! *FLAIL*

I've loved The Hobbit for over ten years now, and as the Lord of the Rings movies came out I fell in love with them too (though I only read the book itself in early 2005, when I was going on thirteen) and to this day they remain my favourite movies and Tolkien is still my favourite author. Peter Jackson did such an amazing job - I was so happy when he returned for The Hobbit and Ian McKellen and the rest were also returning - and good gods, I absolutely cannot wait for this movie to come out!
sivaroobini: (Marauders)
... and I still miss Rusty, my beautiful Golden Retriever, so much. He died on October 15th 2007.

I still feel guilty, too. He was terrified of storms and would panic and run around, or huddle in a corner, but while he loved baths he didn't like getting wet in the rain, so we usually leashed him to a corner on the staircase landing outside so he'd be out of the way of the spray (he was an outdoor dog, as my mother is allergic; she loved him, but having him in the house for too long with the windows closed would result in allergic reactions, so he bounded around outside). Usually I would go and sit with him at those times since the thunder would have him trembling and pressing close.

That day, however, my cousins had stayed over the previous night and now we were watching The Lion King in the hall. It was raining, but Rusty had already been tied up and I did check on the sky every now and then; it wasn't a heavy thunderstorm and I could hear no loud rolls of thunder that would leave him shivering, so I stayed with my cousins. And then I was engrossed in the movie.

And then later, I found out that while we'd been indoors, in the middle of the movie, my mother had gone out to water her plants and discovered the body. Although we hadn't heard thunder, it must have scared him so much that he had tried to leap over the staircase railing; however, on the other side there would have been no footing as the stairs descended, and his leash and collar held him back. You can guess what happened next. If I'd only gone to check on him, perhaps it might not have happened.

He was a beautiful dog and very intelligent; this one time my brother brought him for a run around the foot of a sprawling hill nearby, which is more exertion than either of them are used to, so they were both panting heavily when they returned (I'd been on the way home from school when I met them coming home). I poured water into Rusty's water bowl and the panting dog lowered his head to drink, then paused, looked up at my sweaty panting brother, looked at the bowl, and back to my brother as if to ask him if he wanted water first. My brother laughed and told him, "No, I have water. You drink first," and only then did Rusty start lapping the water thirstily.

By now, of course, I've stopped expecting his face pressed against the wire at the bottom of the gate as I return home (as I opened the gate he'd leap to his feet and give one deep bark, bounding around happily before pressing close to my legs, then lie down and demand a belly rub), but whenever I see other Golden Retrievers or even Labradors, it's mostly joy because they are beautiful dogs and they remind me so much of Rusty, but it's slightly bittersweet because, well, they remind me of Rusty. If I'm walking and I see someone with a Golden Retriever ahead of me I run to catch up and ask if I can pet the dog; they usually agree, probably wondering who this crazy girl is, and the dog just revels in the attention and I laugh.

I hope there's no more thunder where you are, Rusty. <3

sivaroobini: (Isis)

This impressive tour of the Temple of Horus was created by UK programmers MellaniuM using its UNREAL gaming engine for 3D rendering of architectural prototypes.

This brings back memories of when I was actually at Edfu last December. :D

The name Edfu comes from the hieroglyph Ebdu, meaning victory, for according to legend it was there that the falcon-headed god Horus overpowered Set (who had murdered his father Osiris) in the form of a pygmy hippopotamus.

Edfu today is... a horribly dirty and smelly town, with starved, mangy horses, and people pestering us for tips and who made my heart ache. :/


Feb. 1st, 2011 10:15 pm
sivaroobini: (Dream)

Very late, I know, but I finally got around to watching Neil Gaiman's Statuesque. Loved it. I love that there's no dialogue, that the actions and expressions and music can convey emotions, and some parts made me go, "Aww!" out loud. And the ending made me grin hugely.

sivaroobini: (Marauders)

On October 15th, 2007, Rusty the Golden Retriever died.

I've talked about him at length in my October 15th post last year, so I'll spare everyone the moaning this year. But I just have to say that it's been three years, and still, most of the time, coming home feels so weird without being greeted lovingly and enthusiastically by Rusty like I'd been away for ten years.

I miss coming up the stairs to our floor and seeing him lying there behind the gate, nose pressed up against the wire at the bottom. He'd see me and get to his feet at once, and greet me with one deep BHUFF, and prance about happily with his tongue lolling out as I opened the gate and entered. Then he'd run around me and sit down while I patted him on the head and scratched behind his ears, or press against my legs and nuzzle me, or - most often - lie down on his side on the floor, front paw and hind leg held up to expose his belly, and demand a tummy rub. No matter how tired or frustrated I was, being greeted so lovingly every day always made me feel so much better, and I always spared the time to give him a belly rub.

Rusty, wherever you are, I hope that there's lots of love and food and no more thunderstorms. Thank you for bringing so much joy and laughter and love to our lives for a few years.
sivaroobini: (Lorien o Arda)

Over at [livejournal.com profile] lordoftherings , there's info about two new LOTR films that are mady by fans, for fans - Born of Hope, a movie about Aragorn's parents, Arathorn and Gilraen, and The Hunt For Gollum, about Aragorn's hunt for Gollum, pre-LOTR. The Hunt For Gollum is being released on the 3rd of May (man, I wish I was in London for the preview!!!), but Born of Hope has, ahem, run into a problem.

Sadly, I can't donate, I'm not yet 17 and my parents'd kill me. But this is a plea to all Tolkien fans out there. Like they said, this is a movie by fans, for fans. Sure, there's no Viggo Mortensen or Orlando Bloom in this one, but these actors are Tolkien lovers, and I've seen trailers for both movies, and the effort is stunning.

A little more info about The Hunt For Gollum, with a full trailer, here - http://community.livejournal.com/lordoftherings/3007745.html.

Even the smallest creature can change the course of the world - Lady Galadriel. Nobody's asking you to trek to Mount Doom  to destroy the One Ring. Just donate, if you're able to. Diola lle (that's thank you, to non-Elvish speakers).

~ Sivaroobini
sivaroobini: (Eyes / Starry vortexes)

Early this morning, I was woken up by my handphone beeping. Grumpily thinking, "Yarruda athu?" (Tamil for 'who the heck is that?'), I slid it open. It was an unfamiliar number, one of those five-digit ones, and I thought it would be another advert. I almost deleted it. Then I realised it was from the Ministry of Education.

MOE: SIVAROOBINI D/O KALAIMANI, you are posted to NANYANG JC, ARTS (26A) under 2009 JAE. Pl report to JC/MI on 2 Feb 09 at 7.30am.

Those capitals remind me a bit of the way Crowley in Good Omens gets his orders from Hell, except of course they wouldn't say please; the supervising demons just hack into whatever technology he's using, like if he's listening to Freddie Mercury singing a Queen song in the car, Mercury's voice suddenly goes CROWLEY. WE ARE DISPLEASED WITH THE WAY YOU HANDLED... or if he's watching the news, even if he turns off the TV the newsreader will still be onscreen, going, CROWLEY. WE HAVE SENT SOMEONE TO CHECK ON YOU. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE or something of the sort.

Anywhoo. At first I was actually pretty happy. Nanyang JC is the best I could hope to obtain with 11 points. And that also ends my track record of a dream coming true; a few nights ago I dreamed I was posted to Anderson Junior College, where my best friend Lakshmi is going. My other close friend, Sofiyah, is going to the Sciences stream at Nanyang, and I heard Meenatchi, another friend, is also going there, though I'm not sure which stream she's in. I mean, Victoria Junior College was an irrational pre-exam hope, and I had become resigned to Nanyang until that damn dream a few nights ago, taunting me with the prospect of being with Lakshmi at Anderson.

So aside from some faint disappointment and the usual I wish I'd tried just a bit harder; one more damn point and I could at least have made it to Anderson and some hope in the fact that at least I had gotten my second choice, I was suddenly scared stiff. Not of A Levels and exams and lots of hard work in junior college, no, not really. I was scared of the people there.

I don't know what people see when they look at me. I don't know what kind of first impression or weird vibes I give off. I know I'm different, that due to my more traditional upbringing and my love of books and scorn for things like pop culture, promiscuous behaviour and pop songs, Friendster and all sorts of things other teens here see as oxygen, people see me as outdated and weird.

I was the outcast, the one who hung on the outskirts, watching the others make friends and laugh and exchange blog addresses and send each other games on their handphones. I was the one who sat in a corner with a book while the others laughed and talked and listened to their MP3s full of the latest English or noisy Tamil songs, while my Mp3s contain both old (as in black and white movies old) and new Tamil songs, with actual meaningful lyrics, not just noisy nonsense words to give a rhythm for girls to gyrate to, and old English songs like Can You Feel The Love Tonight, You're My Everything and the Somewhere In Time soundtrack, along with Hindu prayers and Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings soundtracks.

In secondary school, when teenagers are only just beginning to enjoy the pleasures of growing up with none of the responsibilities, when they're trying to be popular and cool and showing that they fit in being different can be deadly.

My classmates either hated me or looked down on me. They watched my every move and made fun of it. They made my life a living hell and completely humiliated me countless times, driving me to hurt myself so that my forearm still bears scars that only went away last year (my sister found out in 2006 and made me promise to stop, in addition to the promises I made to Sara and Carrie, mentioned below, that I would stop hurting myself). I can still see one or two faint marks. I cried myself to sleep many nights, developed a violent temper, attempted suicide and basically withdrew into myself; I hated life so much, and if I didn't have books and fanfiction, and wonderful people at forums who saw me for who I was and not what clothes I wore, who admired my love for books and writing instead of being derisive, I don't know what I would have become.

The people at www.darkmark.com really saved my life. I was going through a couple of other personal problems at that time in addition to my social problems. Saradha, a senior, who I met after school one day when I got on the wrong bus, became a friend but we grew really close through DarkMark, after I introduced her to it. She and others I met online, like Sara, Carrie, Lindsey, Tania and Jessa, helped me deal with my problems. Saradha literally and knowingly (after I text-messaged her a sort of farewell note) saved my life (who knew the insistent beep of a handphone could be so powerful that it draws you away from anything you plan to do or anywhere you stand?). She made me see reason and basically sort of made me see the glass as half full insteaf of half empty, which is what I do a lot these days. She told some other close friends at DM I was having a bad time and would appreciate some friends, so for a while after that everytime I logged in I'd get messages like, "Hey Siva, how are you doing? Just thought I'd remind you, I love you, you're a great friend! Talk to me if you need to get something off your chest, yeah?". Those messages really made my day.

I wrote tons of fanfiction, giving my characters the friends and relationships I could never have (I discuss how the tone of my writing is a clear reverse indicator of how my life is going here, http://sirius-luva.livejournal.com/6103.html) and also read a lot of it. I made some friends, like Lakshmi and Sofiyah and Meenatchi, and Sukhanya's been my friend since we were seven. I made some other friends. Life improved a bit but not much.

When we were sent to different classes in Secondary Three, to study different subjects, I was so relieved. My new class was better. I didn't have close friends, but I did have people I could rely on to help me out a bit if I needed it. They didn't hate me either. My love for books, flair for English and habit of making sure everything I could possibly need, from medicine to USB cables to spare books to food, is in my bag, actually won me a bit of respect.

And we all got to know each other a bit more by Secondary Four. I dunno about polynomials or binomial expansion or completing the square or Fleming's Left-Hand Rule, but I sure learnt a bit about social dynamics. In any large group, there needs to be someone to take the blame, someone to laugh at to make yourself feel better, someone to hang about on the outskirts being a bloody doormat or sit in a corner with a book and bring up the rear and wearily raise her hand as the only without a group for a project. I had to endure a lot of racist comments and personal attacks on things like my hair or the way I talk fast or my clumsiness.

But it wasn't as horrible as Lower Secondary was. I had won some respect for being fairly reliable and good at English and Geography and pretty helpful even if you were mean to me (I just can't say no sometimes, I wish I could). I made an enemy of the racist b**tard Yusaku but I made friends like Jean, Jiang Mei and Hidayah (the latter two were also not that popular for being different). Some of my classmates like Ranjini, while teasing me, would still invite me to join them for lunch. I remained closer to Lakshmi and my other friends in other classes, though, like the lovely group I mentioned who threw me a surprise sixteenth birthday party.

Wow, this post is really long. I can't believe I ranted that much. Anyway, I was happier in Upper Secondary, what with my friends and fandoms and LiveJournal and DM and my friends and responsibilities in the Library Club.

The point is, I'm worried about my fellow Junior College students. I really don't want to have to endure anything more like Lower Secondary. Yes, I've had to be learn to be strong, to take the crap life throws at me, and I've found better ways of dealing with it than what I used to do. But that doesn't mean I want to experience it again. I'm not asking to be popular, one of those girls who moves about with a group of adoring admirers, of girls who dress like and imitate and are fiercely loyal to her and boys who hang on her every word. I just want to be at least tolerably liked, to be accepted instead of scorned. The reason I'm so in love with the Marauders is that to me they represent eternal, unconditional friendship. I would like to find my own James and Sirius and Remus and even Peter. I don't want the popularity that come with James and Sirius being so charming and charismatic and everything. I just want the acceptance and friendship they embody to me, the way they accepted Remus although he was a werewolf. Of course, friends like the Marauders are hard to find and I'm thankful I have friends like Lakshmi (occasionally she does remind me of the Marauders). I would be so glad just to find another JC friend like her.

And of course, Lakshmi and I will still meet up. I'm going to miss hanging out in the girls' bathroom before Tamil class and gossiping/b**ching about stuff or laughing about this or that, and the way she'd drag me away from the library and down to the canteen during breaks to actually eat with other people. Lakshmi, if you're reading this, I love you, you're a great friend, and I'm really going to miss you!

Anyway. On a lighter note. I found this at [livejournal.com profile] vnfan's journal and it's so hilarious! I showed it to my sister and we had a good laugh. If you read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series, watch this! Hitler complains about Breaking Dawn!

And from there I found a link to this one, where Hitler moans about the Half-Blood Prince delay.

Mmm, these noodles are delicious! XP I'm savouring a lovely bowl of curry noodles and reading some fanfic. And my apologies for this horrendously long, boring and depressing post.

~ Sivaroobini
sivaroobini: (Edward Cullen)
Okay, I saw this and started hyperventilating. It is so freaking AWESOME! I have to plan a pack list for when Lakshmi, Sofiyah, Ying Yu and I go to see it; I'll have to bring a bucket for drool, a paper bag for hyperventilation, figure out a way to halt cardiac arrest, and oh yes, a pentagram or something so I can jump into the movie and snog Edward. Ha, kidding about the pentagram, but I'm serious about the hyperventilation.

I just watched it again and I think if my heart rate had been monitored it would've been off the chart, and I was clutching my chest (during the scene when James smashed Edward against the mirror, and again during the kiss) and my jaw actually dropped and I think I sqee'ed when Edward/Robert says, "You are my life now." Not to mention that hot kiss, although I'd like to point out that in the book there's no way Edward could have kissed Bella like that - not before Volterra, anyway - and not almost killed her.

I'll admit, I had doubts about the movie, because the last book-turned-movie I'd anticipated (not counting Harry Potter) was the craptastic Eragon, which was so awful it even put me off the books. I could see from the initial Twilight trailers that they changed some stuff, obviously, and I wasn't sure if Robert Pattinson could pull off Edward, because he's gorgeous, yes, but Edward is such an intense character. I loved Cedric Diggory but I wasn't sure if Robert Pattinson could quite carry Edward's character nuances off.

Of course, his voice can't rival Edward's beauiful voice in my dreams, but hey, no-one's perfect. XD

But this trailer has put my doubts to rest - the movie will be FANTASTIC. I have my dreaded O Level Examinations in ten days, and thus will not be able to come online for a month. I might post something more tonight, but then it's off to study until mid November. And then my best friends and I can go see Edward Cullen Twilight. *sigh*

Darn. I have to clean the drool off the keyboard. ;D What with all the Edward fanfiction and pictures and now trailers, I should really get one of those silicon keyboard protective cover thingies...

sivaroobini: (Booty Cat)

I just saw this at [livejournal.com profile] vnfan 's LJ and it is freaking HILARIOUS. An Indian version of Thriller, but someone added English subtitles according to what the lyrics sound like.

Girly Man! LOL.


sivaroobini: (Default)

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