sivaroobini: (Dream)

For the past few weeks, my Facebook feed has been inundated with Mother's Day advertisements and offers. Looking at them is painful, and I scroll past as quickly as I can. Today I asked a friend if we could meet up on Thursday and he said no, he was working as much as possible this week since Mother's Day was coming and he wanted to have the day free to spend with his mother. I think I simply replied 'Ah' and closed the conversation; I should probably apologise to him and explain.

I've explained what's going on with my mother and my family in this post; basically I haven't seen my mother, who has Alzheimer's, since the beginning of January 2016 (when I only got to see her for like ten minutes in the doorway of a psych ward) and not for several months before that. We're still in the middle of very drawn-out legal proceedings to get her back from the scumbag, which he is of course doing his best to delay.

I miss her so much.

I'm living in Perth now, and when I set up my altar for the housewarming in February and texted my sister to ask about the proper rites and rituals, and referred to the instructions my grandmother had written out for me for the housewarming ceremony, I broke down and cried. My mother was very religious, and I really wanted to be able to turn to her. To have her instruct me and approve of my new oil lamp and bell and altar layout, to approve of what I'd done with furnishing and decorating the entire house and advise me on colours and what I should have in my kitchen, to perform prayers and sing hymns with me like we used to do every Friday night when I was a child.

(I mean, she wouldn't approve of me living with Mark when we're not married because she was immensely traditional, which we clashed over a lot when I was a teen, but that's a different can of worms which I don't think would have been insurmountable. I do think she'd have liked Mark, that aside. She liked him the one time she met him.)

And the thing is, even if we do get her back, my mum is gone. Oh, she's physically alive, but everything that made her her is likely gone by this point. The woman who raised me and took care of me and taught me and sacrificed for me, who loved me, is gone. She won't remember who I am, or my sister, or my father. She won't know why this strange woman is addressing her as Amma.

Sometimes I dream about home and my family, but in these dreams my family is whole, like some sort of alternate universe where my brother didn't turn out to be a sociopath. I dream that my mother is still with us, and she doesn't have Alzheimer's. I even have a brother, an actual brother, not a greedy vengeful piece of shit who tore my family apart. It often leaves me in tears when I wake up.

I love my life here, but I still wish that I could also see Mum when I Skype my family. I keep myself busy and occupied though, so most days I can live my life fairly contentedly provided I'm not reminded of all this.

So yeah, two days in the year are extra painful for me these days; Mother's Day, and her birthday (December 20th). Her birthday tends to sneak up on me though, which isn't so bad in some ways even if the day itself sucks. With Mother's Day, I'm getting these constant reminders that make me think of all the past Mother's Days I've spent with her and what I have to look forward to this Mother's Day. Bloody ads.

sivaroobini: (Death)
This is what's been going on in/ruining my life for the past few years. Warning: This post is really long. And this is the summarised version. I might explain the legal issues in another post, but writing this has been draining enough for one night.

Painful family issues )

There have been so many painful splits in my family over this and I have lost so many relatives I loved, knowing they chose him over us, and my family has shrunk so much. I haven't seen my mother in over a year now and I don't know if I will ever see her again, though I can only pray that by some miracle we'll win the court case and I will see her again, that Mark and I can kneel before her when we get married and my father will get the strength to go on; I don't know if he can, without her. That scum can keep all her money and assets, for all we care; we just want her back. And even then we'll basically get someone who used to be my mother but is now an unrecognisable being in my mother's body requiring round-the-clock care, but somewhere in there is my mother, and we can't stop fighting for her. 

sivaroobini: (Hobbit-approved!)

I hadn't actually been to the beach since arriving in Perth at the beginning of 2012, even though it's famed for its beaches. Dad, Mum and I did stop at one and we took photos and went to the ice-cream shops on the boardwalk, but we never actually went down to the sandy beach proper, so that doesn't count. So my housemates/good friends, Mark and Hilary, and I had decided that at some point this week we'd all go to the beach and have dinner and watch the sunset or something

On Saturday, we went to the seaside/hippie area of Fremantle (more friends were supposed to join us for lunch as a sort of farewell do for Hilary, who is going to London for two years in a few days, but they all said at the last minute - ie when we were already at Freo - that they couldn't make it, and they all came to our house in the evening instead, so it was just the three of us in the afternoon) and had some excellent food, and we were lying on the grass and basking in the warm sun and napping and then we remembered that the beach was only a short walk away, and decided to visit it briefly before going Geocaching.
It was beautiful. I regretted not visiting it earlier, and I also regretted not wearing beach-appropriate clothing instead of jeans and socks and shoes. XD I would have liked to dig my toes into the sand, it was very soft and fine and clean. The wind was also very strong, completely ruining my formerly tame hair, but it was so worth it.

Soon we began to walk towards the closest Geocaching site in search of the hidden 'treasure' there, but I was hesitant to leave the beach so soon and was lagging behind, staring at the sea. Hilary must have turned around to see why I was lagging and she went, "WAIT, STOP, KEEP LOOKING THERE, GIVE ME YOUR PHONE." And she took this lovely picture, which I'm absurdly fond of.

When I was standing there, the first two lines of the song Legolas sings in The Return of the King, upon first beholding the sea (or did he just hear seagulls?) came to mind.

To the Sea, to the Sea! The white gulls are crying,
The wind is blowing, and the white foam is flying.
West, west away, the round sun is falling.
Grey ship, grey ship, do you hear them calling,
The voices of my people that have gone before me?
I will leave, I will leave the woods that bore me;
For our days are ending and our years failing.
I will pass the wide waters lonely sailing.
Long are the waves on the Last Shore falling,
Sweet are the voices in the Lost Isle calling,
In Eressëa, in Elvenhome that no man can discover,
Where the leaves fall not: land of my people for ever

I was trying to find the rest of the song since I could only really remember the first two lines, and came across this absolutely lovely version. She's also done a lot of the other songs that Tolkien wrote; my favourite is the song of Durin.

sivaroobini: (Dream)
Warning: strong language in gif captions.

[this entire conversation took place in Tamil]
I was helping my grandmother make muruku today and, when talking about something funny I'd done as a child, she said, "You had good brains and you knew how to use them when you were a kid." I teasingly responded, "When I was a kid? So I don't have good brains now?" and she replied, "Well, no, isn't that why you went to Australia to study? If you had good brains and done well you'd be studying here in Singapore."

I was speechless for a moment and then I said... )
So I don't know exactly where the future is going to take me, but I do hope that it will be away from Singapore. My family and closest friends are here and I will miss them, but we have the Internet and IM and Skype and Facebook and I can go back to visit them and load up on Singaporean food (one thing I do miss about Singapore; it has good food). I am so much happier in Australia, and I am thankful that I ended up there instead of going to NUS - it's a good uni and I have friends who enjoyed their time there, but I don't think I personally would have been as happy there as I am at UWA. If that means I'm being judged by gossiping old biddies in Singapore, fine, so be it. The joke's on them, because unlike them, I get to actually do what I love instead of something stolid and respectable and boring. I get to live my dreams instead of sacrificing them for the sake of money. I'm happy and growing as an actual human being, instead of being a GDP statistic. I had the brains to recognise what I wanted and how to get it, so if that's stupid by Singaporean standards: screw you, Singapore.

(Note: I do still love and respect my grandmother. The 'gossiping old biddies' was in reference to her friends whom she seems to think are apparently judging me?)

sivaroobini: (Hobbit-approved!)
Okay, so it's already a few days into 2014, but I saw this on a friend's Dreamwidth and it looked fun.

01. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before?

So many things that I can't list them all here. I have been more outgoing and energetic though. Hmm, I wore a corset, I seriously planned to ask someone out, I started wearing tank tops in the Australian summer heat, I sledded down the Swiss Alps...

02. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I haven't made any in years. I never keep them. XD

03. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No, though my sister got married in July and I keep bugging her for a niece or nephew to spoil. XD

04. Did anyone close to you die?


05. What countries did you visit?

Does Perth count if I spend most of the year there at uni? XD Well, we went on a Europe tour in December and I saw France, Germany, Switzerland and Italy.

06. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

More self-discipline, for studying, exercising and eating a bit healthier. And a laptop that doesn't give out on me during the worst part of term when I have a ton of assignments to write and exam prep to start researching.

07. What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Um, my 21st birthday (14th July) and my sister's wedding (6th July). My sister's wedding was a complete circus, and a headache to prepare for, but it was a beautiful day and she was beautiful and I saw family members and family friends I hadn't seen in ages (some of them came down from India, Malaysia and even America just for the wedding ♥). And on my birthday I had an amazing costume party and was surrounded by my friends and family. ♥

08. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Where do I start? XD Well, I ran the SCA Newcomers' Feast at the beginning of the year. It was such a headache and so stressful and a disaester behind the scenes, but all the guests, who had no idea of the drama going on in the kitchen, said it was a lovely event and really enjoyed it.

I also pulled a Hermione in first semester, when I applied for dispensation for unit overload/taking an extra unit. The standard maximum unit load per semester is four, but I was taking five units: Greek 1, Latin 2, German 3, The Golden Age of Athens, and Religion, Gender and Society in Medieval/Early Modern Europe. I did so because I wanted to continue German and start Greek, so German was my extra unit. However, there were a lot of timetable clashes and classes I couldn't attend, so since German was the only class not related to either of my majors, I sacrificed it. I did the best I could and had been doing pretty well on assignments and class tests, but I never had time to go to the conversational German classes and the lectures clashed with my Greek tutorials so I could only attend one German tutorial a week, mostly a written German one. And I never finished/submitted my final German essay, since all my essays were due at the same time and I was freaking out. I really could have done with a Time-Turner.

However, at the same time I was also planning the aforementioned Feast and being very heavily involved in the medieval club in general, and I also ran the Queer Department for half the semester before stepping down because it was too much. So I consider the sheer amount I got done in first semester and how I was running around like the Energiser Bunny and did pretty well in my other units an achievement. XD

Also, in Europe I quickly picked up enough French and Italian to order food and drinks and that sort of thing, and I already knew German so I could order my own vegetarian food. :D

09. What was your biggest failure?

German, which I literally failed because see above. Also, there was this amazing friend I really liked and I was working up the nerve to ask them out (I use the pronoun 'they' because they're agendered, though when I first met them they were still identifying as female). Their last relationship hadn't ended so well and they'd said at the beginning of the year that they weren't really interested in dating at the moment so I was also waiting for a hint that that might have changed. And then JUST when I was going to ask them out, they said they were just starting to date someone else. So I was too late and I do kind of regret that, though I'm moving on.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Oh yes, I actually started 2013 with a spectacular bout of food poisoning or stomach flu. XD I've been ill at various points over the year; I actually ended 2013 with a cold/throat infection, too. And I got lots of small bruises from rapier practice/tournaments.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Um... the material to make my lovely Egyptian costume, the Egyptian snake arm-bangle, the ancient Egyptian senet gameboard The Ocean At The End Of The Lane, my Key to Erebor pendant, my Viking brooches, my corset, various souvenirs in Florence and Rome... lots of things. XD Also the ticket to the special premiere of Thor: The Dark World, which got me 3D glasses designed like Thor's armour, a poster and a Loki pop vinyl figure, and the chance to see it early with an amazingly geeky and enthusiastic energetic audience.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Uh... lots of people? My dad, my sister, my uncle, my friends and most especially Pope Francis. That man is amazing.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My mother and brother. My mother has early-onset Alzheimer's and is still very aggressive and defensive, and also mentally regressing to a spoilt petulant child. My brother... lots of family drama there that I'd rather not go into. Also my cousin's fiancée.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Books, most likely, and fees for SCA events. Also rent and groceries/food.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My birthday, SCA stuff, the Europe trip (especially ROME *___* ), and food. XD And Latin poetry! And the recent Harry Potter marathon with friends. And a Lord of the Rings marathon with friends in Perth in May.

16. What song will always remind you of 2013?

No idea, I haven't actually listened to many new songs. Though there are a few songs that will always remind me of the Europe trip because they were playing over and over and over again on European MTV in all the hotel rooms and on the radio. Also, I fell in love with this track from Thor: The Dark World, which I saw twice with amazing friends, so it might remind me of 2013? Maybe?

17. Compared to this time last year, you are:

Happier or sadder? Probably happier?
Thinner or fatter? Fatter.
Richer or poorer? I'm not sure.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Writing, studying, cleaning.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Procrastinating, daydreaming.

20. How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?

My father's family grew up with this other family and they were very close and have remained very close, so every year they invite us over for Christmas dinner and we go and have a lovely time. That was what we did in 2013 as well.

22. Did you fall in love in 2013?

No. I might have, if I had asked out that friend like I wanted to, because I really liked them. Still, I'm moving on and a friend has expressed interest. We're taking things very slow, but it's looking good so far.

23. How many one-night stands?


24. What was your favourite TV program?

SHERLOCK. Also BBC Robin Hood, because it's so bad it's hilarious and also Richard Armitage in leather and guyliner. And BBC's North & South.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

My brother. And my cousin's fiancée.

26. What was the best book you read?

Hmm. New books, not rereads? The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman. And The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms by NK Jemisin. And a lot of fantastic fanfiction.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Gone With The Sin, Ulv Raev Hare and Randy Dandy O.

28. What did you want and get?

The Ocean at the End of the Lane, a chance to see Rome and Florence and the Black Forest, some Marvel comics, a costume party, various food dishes, a boost in self-esteem... lots of things.

29. What did you want and not get?

The new Sandman comic, and Raising Steam. I will get them soon, I still have a book voucher from my birthday!

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. I also really liked Thor: The Dark World and Star Trek: Into Darkness.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 21. I had an amazing historical-themed costume party at a chalet, with friends and family, and there was a barbecue (with lots of vegetarian food for me; the whole thing was jointly organised/paid for by my dad and uncle) and a fantastic Harry Potter cake from my sister, and in general it was such a wonderful night.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

My brother moving out, my academic results being better, or getting a job.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?

Medieval. XD

34. What kept you sane?

My friends (especially Bird and Myst), the SCA and fanfiction.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Richard Armitage, oh my goodness. *sighs and fans self* Also Tom Hiddleston and Chris Evans.

35. What was your favorite video game of the year?

I don't play any.

36. Who has made the most cameos in your dreams this year?

Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, and the dwarves of Erebor (plus Bilbo and Gandalf). <_<

37. Who did you miss?

Various friends. Also, I miss my Singapore family and friends while in Perth and I miss my Perth friends while in Singapore.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

I met the Perth Discworld fan club, the Perth Drummers, and made some lovely friends there: notably Damien, Krystel and Danielle. And my classmate Chloe.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013:

Never bite off more than I can chew, and plan my time better.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Can't think of any.

Holy crap

Sep. 7th, 2013 12:59 am
sivaroobini: (ghost fighters extraordinaire)
Trigger warnings: mentions of suicidal thoughts/attempts.

  I literally just realised that if I hadn't taken the wrong bus this one time at the beginning of 2005, I wouldn't be alive right now.  See, that's how I met my friend Saradha, who later stopped me from killing myself.

   I took the wrong bus because I didn't understand how bus routes worked (yes, I was 13, but it was my first week taking public transport to secondary school; my primary school had been five minutes' walk away, and my dad drove me everywhere else, and I'd only taken public transport a handful of times with my uncle and grandma and assumed all buses worked the way the one that came to our house did) and Saradha happened to be next to me and smiling. (I knew she was in the year above me at school because we all had colour-coded name tags.)

  We chatted, she asked which area I was going to and I explained my route and she said she didn't think the bus went there, though I swore it did, but she made me get down with her at her stop because another bus stopped there and it would bring me to the interchange near my home. And that bus took forever to come, so she waited with me and we got to chatting some more. We were gleeful about having found a fellow Harry Potter fangirl and then we spoke about the school forums, which were basically a giant forum/message board thing that was restricted to students and teachers and each year had their own sub-forum that was open to the rest of the school, and when I told her what class I was in she said, "Hey, I've seen your class' posts on the forum. They talk about this girl who's really old-fashioned and nerdy and annoying and nobody likes her, do you know who it is?"

  I stared at her for a moment, then I quietly said, "Um, that's me," and waited for her to laugh and go home. There was this awkward pause, and then she said, "Oh. Well, I don't agree with them." And there was this little burst of gratefulness in me.

  Anyway. A year later, in mid-2006, I was at one of the lowest points in my life. I was being bullied and ostracised in school and the few friends I had (I could count them on one hand and have fingers to spare) seemed to be pulling away and I wasn't doing well lessons-wise and I was miserable at home - this was before I became close to my sister, so I was pretty lonely at home too, and my parents dealt with my poor marks by being harsher - and I'd spent a couple of years being groped by my Maths tutor during tuition sessions and even though I'd just been forced (by Saradha) to tell my mother a few months prior and so it had stopped, I was not really dealing with it very well or at all, really; my family's reaction had been to never talk about it again with me but become even more overprotective, and that was also stifling. So I texted a suicide note, of sorts, to Saradha and then I stood at the kitchen window (we live on the top floor and the windows are wide open things, even a very large person could easily fit through) and was about to jump when my phone rang. I guess some part of me didn't want to do it and so I went to my phone, but if there'd been nothing to pull me back I would have done it.

  We had a long conversation that really helped, that gave me a lot of strength to work through things, and she made me promise to never think about suicide again. I did seriously consider it one more time some months later, but I'd promised her, so I didn't do it, and I've never seriously considered it since.

  Anyway, it just occurred to me how amazing it was that my leap of (il)logic on that day at that particular moment (the 72 at my stop goes to the Yio Chu Kang train station, the 72 across the road seems to come a lot more often and it's 72 so it should go to the same place eventually) meant I had gotten on the bus at the same time that she had, and that she'd smiled at me and been approachable, and I'd dared to speak to her. I mean, I've known since she stopped me that I owe her my life and I'm lucky we're friends, but it never clicked before that if I hadn't randomly taken the wrong bus because the right one was a bit slow I'd never have met her and I'd probably have left a handwritten note for my family instead and there would have been nobody to stop me.

  And considering how happy I am with life in general right now, I am so glad I took the wrong bus.
sivaroobini: (tea and books)
Well, it was weird for me. Random rambling about having come a long way since secondary school.


Mostly, I sort of wish I could reach out to my younger self and say, "Hey, it gets better. You'll have a few awesome friends and your dream of studying in London won't come true yet but Perth is going to be so much more awesome then you think, you'll make lots of friends and learn to swordfight and study everything you love and you're going to be confident and happy, if a little stressed from schoolwork. Don't let this get you too depressed. I promise it's going to get better."

But then I guess those experiences shaped me, and I've grown to like who I am, so as tough as they were I wouldn't trade them. And if anybody reading this is having a tough time: it gets better. And you are awesome. ♥


Nov. 24th, 2012 08:14 pm
sivaroobini: (Dream)

It's been such an exhausting couple of weeks. I should really be continuing my cleaning right now but I just can't bring myself to get up. I've had exams (Greco-Roman history, English Lit, German and Latin) and terrible insomnia this week, and the week before I was depressed about missing Deepavali (Hindu Festival of Lights, the biggest Hindu festival of the year) and then my grandfather died so the Deepavali party at home was cancelled anyway and I had to miss the funeral instead.

I should get some cheese to go with all this whine )

  And I've successfully procrastinated thus far but it's 9.55pm and my sister's flight is landing around 1am, so I really need to eat something and finish cleaning my room and move stuff around and move the spare mattress in so she'll have a place to sleep. I'm gonna show her around Perth and then we'll fly home together on the 30th of November. :D


Sep. 15th, 2012 01:03 pm
sivaroobini: (ghost fighters extraordinaire)

 Last year I took part in the first GISHWHES (Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World Has Ever Seen) organised by Misha Collins (Castiel from Supernatural), had a lot of fun, and helped break a Guinness World Record. I'm taking part again this year; does anyone want to be in my team? :D

sivaroobini: (Marauders)

Much belated photospam!

On July 16th my sister, my best friend Lakshmi and I went to Harry Potter: The Exhibition!

My sister, Lakshmi, and myself.

Photos and a description of the exhibition! )

*taps wand* Mischief Managed.


Okay, so back when I returned from Pencampwr at the beginning of June I meant to put up photos of my awesome medieval weekend and I never did. And then I had exams and flew home and there was a lot of crazy cleaning and organisation because my sister was getting engaged and when Indians get married or even engaged it is crazy. And I had a 12-hour Special Extended Edition movie marathon of The Lord of the Rings with friends.And I had to attend a wedding in Malaysia on my birthday and rather disliked it, but felt much better the next day when back in Singapore and cutting cake and eating durian with my family. And then WE WENT TO THE HARRY POTTER EXHIBITION AND IT WAS AMAZING AND I SPENT SO MUCH BUT IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT. And I went out with friends and was given more cake and had to pack in a huge hurry and now I'm back in Perth.

And basically I meant to put up photos of all of these things but everytime I switched on the laptop I was always distracted because ever since I saw the Avengers movie all those months ago my mind has been EATEN by Avengers fanfic, especially Steve/Tony. I've read hundreds of Steve/Tony and Avengers fanfics obsessively and have pretty much exhausted Archive Of Our Own and am trawling LJ and Tumblr for more. <_< And now I'm tentatively poking my head out again and peeking at all my other fandoms that I neglected and catching up on my f-list.

Hence the long absence, for which I apologise. Though it also had to do with the fact that half the time I was also exhausted from cleaning or spending all day out with my family/friends and had no energy to do much besides flop into bed and read smut.

I will be spamming you with overdue photo posts, fair warning, but first: my grades for the first semester were released on July 16th.

Ignore the three UPs, they were for compulsory online modules on academic conduct, Aboriginal culture and basic communication/research skills and I actually got more than 80 marks in each, but you just need to pass them and so they're listed as Ungraded Passes. But oh my god, the others.

I got Distinctions in Discoveries in Archaeology, German Studies 1 and Introduction to Scientific Practices (Science Communications), and a High Distinction in Myths of the Greeks and Romans. It was past 2am when I first saw this and it took me a few moments of squinting blearily at the screen to realise what I was looking at, and then I wanted to jump off the bed and go and tell everyone, but everyone was asleep. D:

I would have hated myself if I'd gotten anything less than a Distinction in Greek mythology, but hadn't been expecting a HD. And I honestly have no idea where the Distinction in Science Comm came from, since I did slack a bit in that class and got Bs for most of my assignments and hadn't thought my performance in the final assignment was spectacular. o_O

And now that the initial glow has worn off I'm panicking over whether I can maintain this sort of grade as everything gets harder. D: Semester 2 starts next Monday and I'm really looking forward to it - I'm continuing German and also taking Latin 1, a unit called Glory and Grandeur that's classical Greek and Roman history, and an English unit called Journeys: Texts Across Place and Time (which is for my Medieval and Early Modern Studies major; I'm double-majoring in that and Classics and Ancient History). I can't wait to start all these courses - god, I've wanted to learn Latin since I was a child - but am also worried.

Also, I landed in Perth after midnight on the 21st but still haven't really unpacked. <_< ... I should get on that. BUT FANFICTION.

I'm also considering signing up for this:

I haven't written much this year and haven't posted anything (role-play aside) and have zero ideas for a GO Big Bang, but hopefully that will change soon.


Jun. 21st, 2012 12:30 am
sivaroobini: (Marauders)

It's 12.30AM on the 21st of June and I should be going to bed soon (technically I AM sitting in bed...), since I have a flight at 3.55pm to return to Singapore.

It's weird. I've been in Australia for only five months, and only four on my own (my parents stayed here until the end of February) but it feels like so much longer. There've been clubs (especially the medieval club, the queer department and the sci fi/fantasy club) and making friends and lectures and tutorials and projects and assignments and learning to live on my own and university life in general and it's just been so full. It feels like months and months.

I've loved it, though. I love my university, and learning things and the lessons and the library and clubrooms and I really love SCA, the medieval club. I've fought in my first rapier tournament (and was told that I was bloody fast; I lost miserably of course, as it was my first tournament and I've only been fighting for a few months, but held my own for a while against experienced fighters and they think I have skill, I just need more practice) and been to camps and slept in tents (I've been on tons of Astronomy camps but on those occasions the tents are there to hold our stuff and nobody actually SLEEPS much because we'd all rather stargaze and occasionally doze in folding chairs next to telescopes) and am training in sword-and-shield combat and danced and shot arrows at people and gotten an award and tried alcohol (I dislike wine, I love cider and mead) and stuff. Basically SCA = awesome. I'm apparently making friends with people in the local and university gay community, too. I Skype my family at least once a week. I did fairly well on most tests and assignments and the midterms, though I am really nervous about the end-of-semester exams we just had.

On Monday, after my last exam, I went out to dinner (delicious Vietnamese) with this lesbian couple I'm good friends with, Suzie and Sam, and their friend Emilie, and then we went to Sam's place and watched queer movies (my mind has been blown, I had no idea the genre existed), and Sam lives in an area that might not be fully safe at that time of night (10pm) and plus the buses don't run late, so they felt it was safer for me and Emilie to stay the night and I crashed on her couch. That's actually the first time I've slept at a friend's house when it wasn't a huge preplanned birthday sleepover. XD And this would never have happened in Singapore, mostly because I wouldn't have been allowed to stay out so late anyway (my sister is 26 and when she's out late my parents still call her and I text her) and also because a) the public transport system in Singapore, I have to say, is MUCH better; the one here is near useless late at night and on Sundays and b) Singapore is much safer; several times last year I only got home from work at midnight and I walked the dark streets with perfect confidence. Admittedly I didn't live in a 'dangerous' or red light district though, in either Singapore or Australia; Northbridge, where Sam lives, is generally safe enough in the day but we're told to avoid it at night.

I have a Facebook folder full of photos of my new place and new dishes I try and random things that I will copy here one of these days; carrying bags full of groceries back home via bus and pavements sucks, and I don't think anybody likes laundry and cleaning and washing up (also it's RAINING EVERY DAY since it's winter and my laundry hasn't dried in a week or more), but otherwise I love living on my own and buying groceries and experimenting cooking and just generally being mostly independent. I will however feel better when I have a job; hopefully next semester I will find one.

And over the past couple of days I have just not felt like packing, even though normally I enjoy it, and had to force myself. I'll be home for a month, which includes my 20th birthday and my sister's engagement ceremony (she's planning that and her wedding and everything around my holidays). And even though I really miss my friends and family and am definitely looking forward to seeing them again, I'm weirdly reluctant to leave. I'm going to miss my friends here, and I'm sad that I won't be able to attend the holiday SCA training sessions that will be held at people's houses instead of the field at uni. I'm also going to miss the relative freedom and independence I have here, though my family seems to be accepting that I'm not a baby and hopefully will not smother me when I return. (I love them a lot, especially my dad and sister, but sometimes I need space and they tend to not get that.) I just... it's hard to explain. I do miss them and want to see them again, but I'm not quite as enthusiastic as expected. Or maybe I'm just tired; I haven't been sleeping well and just had exams, which stressed me out a lot, and then socialising and basically I haven't had much time to unwind before having to pack and prepare to go home.

A couple of weeks ago I texted my sister something about being relieved to come home after a long day, by which I meant my [rented] house in Australia, and her reply sounded rather annoyed and she said she'd thought Singapore was my home, and I don't think she was too mollified by my explanation that I did feel like I had two homes now. (In the most general sense of the term 'home'; when back in Singapore I consider my paternal uncle's and grandma's house a second home in addition to the house I live in with my immediate family, but right now I'm thinking of all of it smushed up into one big concept of home.)

... I'm not sure what my point is, except that I loved my first semester at uni and away from home and family, and I'm looking forward to going back but wasn't as homesick as everyone thought I would be. Then again, everyone at home appeared to be coming up with worst-case scenarios because apparently nobody had faith in my ability to live on my own after nineteen years of being coddled. And now it's WAY past 1AM and I really should sleep, I'll have lots of cleaning and putting things in order and last-minute packing of toiletries to do tomorrow before leaving for the airport. Also this is the first time I will be on a flight without my parents around and I am notoriously absent-minded and have a terrible sense of direction, so here's to hoping I don't board the wrong plane and end up in Timbuktu!

^ I did make and print out this collage and stick it on my bedroom wall. Clockwise from top left corner, photos separated by commas: Myst/[personal profile] glacialphoenix + Alvie + Gena + myself (in red), Rusty the late Golden Retriever, me + my brother + my sister about nine years ago, my paternal uncle and his the family cat + Mum + sister + me + Dad + paternal grandmother, and myself + Lakshmi.

ALSO, my housemate (the one I'm very good friends with, anyway; I live with three people) gave me an early birthday gift: Anton LaVey's The Satanic Bible! :D I've wanted a copy for ages. It's now in my carry-on luggage alongside The Egyptian Book of the Dead, A Dictionary of Angels (including the fallen ones) and The Call of Cthulhu and Other Weird Stories. I'm not leaving a country for any prolonged period of time without those first two books.


So, I joined the local chapter of the SCA, basically like a medieval club. I've been having swordfighting lessons, which are freaking AWESOME, and am working on medieval garb of my own; sadly I could not get it ready in time for the Newcomers' Feast last night and had to wear loaner garb. But you get picspam anyway. (I swear I'll upload photos of my beautiful university soon! XD)

Photos and descriptions of the feasting and merrymaking! )

All in all, my first feast was AMAZING and I am so looking forward to more SCA events!

sivaroobini: (ghost fighters extraordinaire)

I was signed into AIM, and my status was set to Away. I'd only just set it to Invisible when [personal profile] glacialphoenix IMed me. Then this occurred. XD She's snarkycleric, I'm SavioBriion.

[19:59] snarkycleric: Noooo
[19:59] SavioBriion: ?
[19:59] snarkycleric: Oh, you're still online
[19:59] snarkycleric: I THOUGHT I MISSED YOU
[19:59] SavioBriion: XDDD
[19:59] SavioBriion: Should I respond with something from the final rain scene in a chick flick?
[19:59] snarkycleric: Yes
[20:00] SavioBriion: YOU ALMOST DID
[20:00] SavioBriion: XD
[20:00] snarkycleric: XDDD
[20:00] snarkycleric: WERE YOU ABOUT TO LEAVE ON A PLANE
[20:00] snarkycleric: WILL WE ALWAYS HAVE ORCHARD ROAD
[20:00] snarkycleric: /shot
[20:00] SavioBriion: *DED FOREVER*
[20:01] SavioBriion: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn
[20:01] snarkycleric: *deep breath
[20:01] snarkycleric: But WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
[20:01] snarkycleric: (Yes, that was shouted Shatner-style)
[20:01] SavioBriion: ...
[20:01] SavioBriion: it is illogical
[20:01] snarkycleric: (I'm mixing my movies here and I don't care)
[20:01] SavioBriion: That is why.
[20:01] SavioBriion: (:D :D)
[20:02] snarkycleric: Are you, and will you, always be my friend? Will we live long and prosper?
[20:02] SavioBriion: (*SNORTGIGGLEDIES*)
[20:03] SavioBriion: No. You're a scruffy-looking nerf-herder.
[20:03] snarkycleric: (ROFLMAO)
[20:03] SavioBriion: (I LOVE THAT LINE TOO MUCH)
[20:04] SavioBriion: (can I put this on DW/LJ? XD)
[20:04] snarkycleric: (Go ahead)
[20:05] snarkycleric: (Damnit)
[20:06] snarkycleric: (I need to find a line in response to that)
[20:06] SavioBriion: (B))
[20:06] snarkycleric: But where would you be without me (gollum, gollum)?

[20:06] snarkycleric: (/SHOT)
[20:07] SavioBriion: (*SO DED FOREVER*)
[20:07] SavioBriion: Master takes care of me now. We don't need you.
[20:09] snarkycleric: ...♫ And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to go
No one to turn to...
[20:09] snarkycleric: (Les Miserables.)
[20:10] SavioBriion: When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you
[20:11] snarkycleric: All I ask is freedom; a world with no more night
And you, always beside me... [waaaarble~]

[20:13] SavioBriion: Sing once again with me
Our strange duet
My power over you grows stronger yet
And though you turn from me to glance behind
The Phantom of the Opera is there
Inside your mind
[20:14] snarkycleric: ♫ Siiiiiiing, sweet nightingale, siiiiing, sweet nightingale, fa la la la laaaaa~ ♪

(Or not.)
[20:14] snarkycleric: (/shot)
[20:14] SavioBriion: ...
[20:14] snarkycleric: (It WOULD make a strange duet)
[20:14] snarkycleric: (YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IT)
[20:14] SavioBriion: (XDDD)
[20:15] snarkycleric: We're talking kings and successions? 
[20:15] SavioBriion: droit du seigneur or however you spell it
[20:16] snarkycleric: (XDDD)

sivaroobini: (corridor monster)

where Roobi freaks out )

Also, it's January 30th, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY LILY EVANS-POTTER! ♥

sivaroobini: (Crowley inner turmoil)
Quick summary: On January 31st I will be flying to Perth since my university term commences in February. I will be studying Classics and Ancient History at the University of Western Australia. My beloved hamster has cancer. ;_; I've got a persistent sore throat and PCOS. My sister is engaged, and I am so happy for her. ♥

In 2012, sirius_luva resolves to...
Go to magic every Sunday.
Spend less time on gabriel.
Drink four glasses of apocalypse every day.
Find a new yoga.
Cut down to ten norse sagas a day.
Lose ten vikings by March.
Get your own New Year's Resolutions:

I wanted to spend MORE time writing Gabriel! XD He was sadly neglected in 2011. And I'm not sure Apocalypses are vegetarian. XD Magic on Sundays works, I guess, maybe I should cleanse my crystals then. I like the yoga I do now, thank you very much. XP Man, I'd love to be able to read ten sagas a day in the first place. And I don't have ten Vikings to lose, sadly, though my doctor says I need to lose about seven kg. D:
sivaroobini: (Aziraphale Crowley snow)

Happy Christmas/Yule/Saturnalia/Midwinter/Hogswatch/non-denominational commercialised obligatory-gift-giving holiday of your choice! :D Note the holly attached to that scythe.

^ A card I made for a friend. XD That cute bundled-up guy in the corner is the PB for my roleplay character, the Archangel Gabriel.

^ Gifts and cards I made/bought for my friends. ♥ Hope the mail is kind to them and that they all arrive safely, if not on time. >_> (I mailed them at the beginning of this week, but international mail...) For some reason I really enjoy wrapping gifts, too.

Also, in 2008 I wrote a crack fic that mixed two carols together called Angels We Have Heard Get High. The lovely [ profile] sttq has actually recorded it for me! 8D Link here, if this embedding doesn't work.

You'll have to turn your volume up to hear as it's really quite soft, but it features a bunch of angels, completely random pairings, and Crowley and Aziraphale! 8D

Have a great Christmas, everyone. ♥
sivaroobini: (Adam Lambert - where there's fire)

Since it's already December 24th here, aka Christmas Eve, I've got a short little Christmas fic as a gift for everyone on my friends-list.

This is dedicated to three very wonderful people: [ profile] eidolon_bird, [ profile] ink_in_a_teacup, and [ profile] seablue_eyes. I'd also like to thank [ profile] sunflower_mynah for betaing it! ♥

Featuring my RP character [ profile] lordofsin aka Belial, Crown of Satan and Archdemon of Lust and Sloth. Lucifer here is based on the first Lucifer I played with, [ profile] grace_descends, who was influenced by the Lucifer comics; he still ruled Hell, but he also owned the Lux club.

Winter in Los Angeles is quite cool... )

Dec. 1st, 2011 07:20 pm
sivaroobini: (tea and books)

A very happy birthday to my dear friend and RP partner Sam, aka [ profile] kleine_teekanne! :D





You're an amazing friend and a creative and talented writer and RPer. ♥ Hope this day and the year ahead bring you joy!

Roobi, Gabriel, Belial, Bast and Crowley. ;)


Sep. 15th, 2011 01:51 pm
sivaroobini: (Dream)

Very late, I know. On the 20th of August, I attended the Singapore Toy, Game and Comic Convention and had an amazing time. 8D I went with my dad. (I was supposed to go with my sister and we were planning to go as Michael and Gabriel, but she works with kids with special needs in school and is taking a course on dealing with autistic kids; one session was sheduled for that Saturday. ;_; We were very disappointed, but I asked my dad to go with me instead and he enjoyed it too.) I tried to get Dad to wear his Starfleet uniform (he has Captain Picard's uniform, it was a birthday gift from my sister) but he was a bit too shy; after seeing everyone else at the con though, he said he'd wear it next year. XD

I went as Death from the Sandman comics. :D I already had a pretty black blouse with puffy sleeves and a long black skirt, and my hair can pass for Death's on a normal day, I just had to forgo the serum I use to tame it and then fluff it up a little. The blouse sleeves were short and I didn't want to have to paint my entire arms white, so I sewed myself arm-warmers. :D I had to borrow my sister's eyeliner though, and I NEVER wear eyeliner and had no idea how to apply it, so I looked odd. >_>

I did whiten my hands, but it just kept rubbing off through the day and I gave up pretty fast.

I was very amused to find another Death, who was accompanied by Dream (and had much better eyeliner). Hot damn, I want Dream's coat.

More photos! )

All in all, I had an absolutely awesome time at my first con. <3


sivaroobini: (Default)

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