sivaroobini: (Adam Lambert - where there's fire)
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I was JUST talking about this on Facebook the other night. XD There's a fairly long list of candidates, but I think the best one would be...

Adam Lambert's If I Had You.

Aside from the fact that the song itself (like most of Adam's songs) and the music video are very cheerful, I tend to associate senses and sensations with other things, if that makes sense. Things I was doing when experiencing a song or a movie or book or food dish, usually for the first time. Like, when rereading Trudi Canavan's The Novice, I remember the taste of Walker's butter shortbread cookies because that was what I was eating while reading it for the first time. Or when I look at Ramses: The Lady of Abu Simbel (fourth book in the Ramses series) I remember hiding in the bathroom (my exams were nearing but I really wanted to finish it!) and crying my eyes out at the end when Nefertari died. And I haven't watched The Lion King since October 15th 2007 because I had been watching it when my dog Rusty died that day.

The amazing memory I associate with 'If I Had You'. )

The other night I'd had a bad day at work and was going home and it was dark and I paused to pet a friendly stray cat at the foot of our block, with Adam Lambert playing on my iPod. If I Had You started playing and I remembered that joyous feeling from last year, and laughed at the cat's evident enjoyment of the way I was scratching beneath her chin. By the time I stepped into the elevator, I was in a MUCH better mood. So yes, I realise Adam Lambert isn't everyone's cup of tea and neither is If I Had You, but it is a song that always makes me happy when I listen to it.

sivaroobini: (Crowley inner turmoil)

Aargh. My A Levels were finished at the end of last November and I have a break until university starts much later this year. I'd been looking forward to this period SO MUCH last year, and planning what I'd do kept me going.

Now the months stretch ahead of me and I have so many things to do but just can't bring myself to finish them. Would the word ennui be appropriate? There are times when I just walk around the house, unable to motivate myself to finish any of my current projects or start a new one. None of them seem to appeal to me; sometimes they do but I don't feel like doing them anyway. When I'm on the computer, instead of writing or doing anything productive, I spend hours faffing about on Facebook or reading (in some cases, rereading) fanfiction.

Maybe a list will help. Things that are in progress will be italicised, things I've completed will be struck off.

Reading )

Movies/TV )

Music )

Writing/role-play )

Craft Projects )

Miscellaneous )

*stares at list* This is going to end up like that post-O Level list of mine, isn't it? Lakshmi and I wrote up a nice long list and we only did a few things on it. Sigh.
sivaroobini: (Gryffindor)

I was typing an e-mail to [ profile] halosphere and in it I was talking about two wonderful friends I grew close to in junior college. While typing it, it occurred to me that I should share just how much they mean to me. Here's the excerpt from the e-mail:

I'm not used to having friends be there for me either; partly I'm rarely close enough to anyone, and partly like Gabriel I didn't like having people witness my weakness or tears, so I'd wait til I was alone to break down. I generally provided the shoulder for others to lean on but didn't like leaning on their shoulders - which would have been awkward anyway, I'm bigger than most of my friends and have broader shoulders. XD But two good friends I made in junior college, Gena and Alvina (who prefers being called Alvie) noticed little things I wasn't even aware of until they pointed them out, like how stiff I got if someone got physically close to me, how stiff and tense I generally was anyway (though Alvie is GREAT at back massages and can reduce me to a happy boneless lump), how sometimes I looked like I was lonely and in need of a hug (Me: How do I look like I need a hug? o_O Gena: I don't know. Sometimes you just look... sad.) and how I kept my problems to myself and seemed so uncomfortable around others.

I explained I wasn't used to having such friends, or even people who wanted to be around me, and Alvie told me, "Well, get used to it."

So I slowly got used to it. They're both very nice to cuddle anyway XD so physically and emotionally I was very comfortable around them. I shared my problems with them and listened to theirs, we had lots of insane fun times, and we all got one another through the A Levels.

Anecdotes! )

The A Levels were horribly stressful and I broke down a number of times and kept questioning myself, but moments like that, as well as phone conversations and the occasional FB rant during study breaks, really helped keep me going. [ profile] eidolon_bird , [ profile] sunflower_mynah , [ profile] steadfast , [ profile] _silverfox, [ profile] rickyzehrer , [ profile] halosphere , [ profile] minselding , Priyanka, and others like my wonderful big sister helped so much too, and I owe you guys so much. <3

I should be going out with Gena and Alvie next Tuesday, if all goes well, and I'm really looking forward to it. I mean, I spent so much time with them last year and now it's been weeks; I miss them. :( *stares at the calendar, willing it to go faster*
sivaroobini: (Crowley inner turmoil)

So, uh, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone.

Randomly: I seem to have become nocturnal. I stay up until it's almost sunrise, which is about 6.30 to 7AM, then I go to bed and sleep til 2pm. No, my bed isn't a coffin, why do you ask?

I spent the last month in Egypt and Dubai and had an absolutely AMAZING time. I have loved Egypt since I was about 4 or 5 and I actually got to see and touch the pyramids of Giza and Saqqara and enter the temples of Abu Simbel, Kom Ombo, Karnak and Luxor and the tombs in the Valley of the Kings, and sail on the Nile. *__*

I promise I'll put up my travel journal and photos... soon. Right now, though, I am worrying about the future.

I did my A Levels earlier this year and am waiting for my results, which will be out in March. I need these results to get into university. And I really, really want to do Egyptology. Obviously I can't do this in Singapore; the damn National University of Singapore (NUS) doesn't even offer Ancient History, for Someone's sake. Archaeological discoveries are covered up again here. Anyway, ever since I was a child I wanted to study archaeology in England. For quite a while, I thought I'd be doing Egyptology at the University of Liverpool. I liked the modules offered, they have the largest Egyptology department in the UK, a cool in-house museum, etcetera etcetera. It was also 10 500 pounds per year, though there was a Regional Award for international students - as long as you met the criteria to get in, you got 1000 pounds.

So yes, long story short, it would be too expensive. So Dad said no. He wants me to be stuck in a boring Arts degree here - English Lit or Journalism or something.

I really, really want to do this, so I talked with my sister, and for a while our plan was for me to go ahead and apply anyway and then apply for a student loan. Except... well, your job opportunities are restricted, and for one to actually be an Egyptologist you'd need a PhD. A BA (Hons) isn't going to cut it. So we thought about my doing my undergrad here in Singapore, getting my BA, and then going overseas to get a Master's in Egyptology. Liverpool requires that you have obtained a degree in something relevant. So we (my brother, sister and I) were discussing this and alternative routes last night until it was this morning.

  Talking things out with [ profile] sunflower_mynah  resulted in my pondering a double major in ELit and History, which I wasn't that happy about because I bloody hated the Modern History that I had had to do in junior college, and while I love books, doing ELit in uni wasn't something that particularly called to me. But it might at least qualify as 'relevant' because of the history and lit tagline, even though modern history has as much relevance to Ancient Egypt as Fareed Zakaria (no offence meant to him, I like his Newsweek articles) has to whoever wrote Beowulf. Broadly speaking they're both the printed word, but content-wise...

  Also, I was pretty damn touched when my brother said he'd actually be willing to pay for my living expenses in Liverpool, so we'd just have to worry about tuition fees and books and things.

  So at about 5AM my brother went to look more things up on the computer in his room and my sister and I went to bed. Some time later my brother came to get me (I couldn't sleep anyway) and I went to his room and we discussed my doing European Studies here at NUS first, getting a BA (Hons) in that, and using that to go for my MA in Egyptology later. It would also broaden my options because the course would include learning French and/or German, which means that for postgraduate studies I needn't be restricted to the UK. (German universities would cost me less than a tenth of UK fees, but I would need to know German) Plus a knowledge of either French or German or both is needed for Egyptology, as half of the journals are in one of those two languages. And proficiency in those languages also broadens career options, apparently.

  I can't say that I think I'll enjoy it, because while I like languages, there'll be other modules involving politics and financial things and so on, but the fact is I would actually rather do this than History. I love ancient history, not modern history - that just makes me want to smack a lot of people. And it's going to delay my dream by a few years. Still, if it all works out, it'll be worth it.

  So... The Plan has undergone quite a few changes, but for now it seems to be: do a BA in European Studies here for now, and then try for my MA in Egyptology. Mmf. It's going to take a while, but Egypt, here I come.

Oh, and one more thing: Screw you, Singapore 'education' system. There are more important things than money and Maths and the Sciences.
sivaroobini: (Armageddon)

I don't think I did very well on my last paper, and thinking of the results petrifies me. But I'm not going to think about that right now because


My last paper was on the 26th. And then my friends and I went to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, and I dressed up for the occasion. :D Photos... eventually. Then I met [ profile] sunflower_mynah for tea and had a wonderful time.

And right now I am sitting in my bed in my aunt's house in Dubai. The place is lovely. And the day after tomorrow, WE ARE FLYING TO EGYPT!

Egypt, the land I've been in love with since kindergarten. Land of the Nile. Land of the Pharaohs. I will be able to see the pyramids! I think it's only just hitting me properly.

Gotta go and pack a smaller trunk FOR EGYPT.

sivaroobini: (Crowley inner turmoil)

Yesterday I had my Southeast Asian History exam. Today was my Tamil Language and Literature Paper 1 (so just Language) exam.

Both were horrible.

On the way home today, I remembered how everyone would tell me in JC that the A Levels were nowhere near as bad as they were made out to be. That most people experienced a jump by one or two grades, like Cs and Ds becoming As and Bs.

In this post, I ranted about the sheer amount of work and stress in JC, and about the liars who all told me while I was in secondary school that A Levels were easy and JC was fun and I could relax after my O Levels. Clearly I haven't learnt my lesson about believing people who try to make me feel better about major national exams.

So far I have had two papers. Both were disaestrous. Forget applying to do Egyptology in the UK, I might as well just prepare to retake the exams and go through A Levels again. Either that, or decide that the entire past 2 years have been a waste of my time and effort and my parents' money and go to Singapore Polytechnic and beg them to let me take a diploma in Creative Writing.

Two of my H2s are pretty much screwed up right now. I studied, I memorised things, I put myself under so much stress I had a minor breakdown every few days. And yet we got papers like this. Don't you dare tell me I didn't study enough and it's my fault, because yesterday the entire History cohort was in agreement that the paper had been horrible, and including me there are only three students taking Tamil Lang and Lit and we all agreed the paper was a lot more difficult than we expected.

On one hand, if the papers are tough and everyone does badly, they moderate the marks and do a bell-curve thing. On the other, it could just be my school. I know my Tamil teacher is absolutely awful at his job. We tried to study on our own but it didn't turn out to be much good, today. But my Southeast Asian History teacher always seemed intelligent and competent to us. I thought I was prepared for yesterday's paper and it turned out a lot more difficult than I thought, though at least I found it doable. Today's paper... *sigh*

So why did I even bother?

I don't have much hope for the Tamil Lit paper now, or for the International History paper. I had been fairly confident about GP and English Lit, but at this rate I'm steeling myself for equally screwed up papers. Chemistry is already a lost cause. I am sitting here crying because I just don't see the point anymore. Even if by some unlikely miracle the rest of the papers are easy, I've already messed up 2 of my 3 important H2 subjects.

The only reason I'm putting any effort into the rest of the papers is because I owe it to my family to at least try my best. Even though clearly it isn't good enough.
sivaroobini: (Crowley inner turmoil)

Sing this song to the tune of Voltaire's Ex-Lover's Lovers. (A word of warning: some of you may find the song a bit morbid, but the music is gorgeous.)

Three heavy stones will keep it from floating,
weigh it down to the bottom, food for the fishes.
And I know that it won't be discovered
'cause I will be careful, so very careful.
What if it doesn't rain for days and the river is
reduced to its muddy bed?
With the files exposed I would work in haste
and I might bury the books in a shallow grave.
And the rain comes and moves rocks and the stones
washes away all the dirt and the mudflows
Bones are exposed and well.
you know how that goes!

I wait for the day when I'll finally defile
the remnants of my A Level papers.
I'll pile high to the sky
the files and notes from my A Level year
Burn burn burn burn burn burn
burn burn burn burn burn burn burn
watch them burn. (x2)

Dear A Level Papers. You look so happy.
All of that can change, cause I am so stressed
and I have lots of time to send you straight
to the Devil. I'm taking my time
to plan your demise.
What if I were to cut you up and mail each part
to a different town? It would take the most
brilliant professor the rest of his life
just to put you together,

a piece in each mailbox all over the planet
from Moscow to Tokyo to Guadalajara.

I wait for the day when I'll finally defile
the remnants of my A Level papers.
I'll pile high to the sky
the books and notes from my A Level year
I wait for the day when I'll finally destroy
the remnants of my A Level papers.
I'll pile high to the sky
the books and notes from my A Level year
Burn burn burn burn burn burn
burn burn burn burn burn burn burn
watch them burn. (x2)

Dear A Level Papers. You look so happy.

That will never change cause I know MOE
too well. I need the A Levels
to carry out my dreams
And only then will I see them
Gone gone gone gone gone gone
gone gone gone gone gone gone gone

See them gone. (x4)  


Mar. 12th, 2010 09:24 pm
sivaroobini: (Crowley inner turmoil)


Back in secondary school in 2008, I was having trouble in my O Level (Ordinary Levels) year. I wasn't motivated enough, or something. I was struggling and could barely keep up in Maths and Science. And I was often too lazy to really focus in Social Studies, though I managed English, Tamil, English Lit and Geography well. The stream of F9s for Maths and Science prompted various close family members and family friends to talk to me.

One motivation I was given by Vatchala, a dear friend, and which was repeated by quite a few others, was something like, "Just work really hard for a few months, and then it'll all be over. O Levels are really important but you can do it, and then after that you can relax. You can really slack and enjoy life in JC [junior college]. The A Levels aren't as hard. The worse will be over soon, so work on your Maths and Science!" I remember it very clearly. It worked. I looked forward to relaxing after the O Levels, and worked really hard.

I am now in Year 2 at Nanyang Junior College, in my A Level (Advanced Level) year. I am stressed, overworked, sleep-deprived, scared, have a whole bunch of stuff to do, and did I mention stressed?

Yes, the A Levels aren't nearly as hard as O Levels. THEY'RE A MILLION TIMES HARDER.


Next week, we have the March holidays, a week-long "holiday" between Term 1 and Term 2. Between the Mount Everest-sized sheer amount of homework and holiday reading, the amount of stuff I'll have to do for both my CCAs (DAMN YOU, INDIAN CULTURAL SOCIETY THAT FORCED ME TO JOIN. AND DAMN YOU, PRESIDENT OF THE LIBRARY CLUB, FOR BEING A BACKSTABBING [censored]) which will mean I'll have to spend most of next week in school, and the three tests (English Literature, History - on the entire syllabus, too - and Chemistry) on the first day of term, I'll likely be doing more things next week than in two normal weeks of school term. Holiday? What holiday?

And here I was hoping I could actually read a book in peace. And write stuff I've had planned for ages. And SLEEP. Dream on, me.

Also, a huge thank you to [ profile] steadfast and [ profile] starspiritgate  for keeping me sane via AIM/MSN, and [ profile] eidolon_bird  and [ profile] maleficial  for keeping me sane via Facebook. <3 And to all the lovely people of [ profile] lt_safe_house /[ profile] mad_prophecies . *snuggleglomp* And of course to my wonderful big sister.


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